40 Hysterical Parenting Tweets That Made Me Positively Cackle This Week


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When you’re a parent, your life is filled with love, cuddles, and stolen moments alone with a wine bottle and Twitter account.

CBC / Giphy / Via media.giphy.com

So before the moment passes, enjoy these 40 hilarious tweets from parents who just need a MOMENT of peace:

1.

My wife’s grocery list has wine listed twice, in case you’re wondering if kids are home for summer break yet.

@daddygofish 05:32 PM – 14 Jun 2022

2.

Listening to my daughters talk through a disagreement.4-year-old: I really wanted to watch Bluey and that’s why I screamed.2-year-old: I really really wanted to watch Elmo and that’s why I slapped you in your own face.

@missmulrooney 03:34 PM – 08 Jun 2022

3.

3yo had a tantrum today. I got on her level, let her have her big emotions, talked her through it and and had a cuddle. If you’d like my new parenting book “How I succeeded once, felt smug and then got confused when the same thing didn’t work twice” it’s out Monday

@_MrsC_S 08:05 PM – 14 Jun 2022

4.

parenting classes should focus less on diapers and more on what to do when you’re sad but still have to pretend to be a tugboat

@ElyKreimendahl 10:31 PM – 09 Jun 2022

5.

I got my kid a book called How to Beat Your Dad at Chess and he just beat me at chess which I had somehow failed to anticipate

@gabrielroth 12:38 PM – 07 Jun 2022

6.

taking after her older brother my daughter has decided to try and call me bro…my parenting journey keeps taking such interesting turns

@mom_tho 02:07 PM – 15 Jun 2022

7.

I found my 6-year-old with a shot glass.I asked what she was using it for.She said Mountain Dew.It would have been safer if she said vodka.

@XplodingUnicorn 01:47 PM – 14 Jun 2022

8.

Seems suspicious that the things that make parenting easier like TV are “bad” and the things that are “good”, like sensory bins, cover your house in 1000 dried beans.

@clhubes 02:44 PM – 09 Jun 2022

9.

My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop. I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”

@DCheverere 11:52 PM – 10 Jun 2022

10.

What’s the parenting fantasy you abandoned most swiftly and completely? Mine is definitely “My kids will eat whatever we’re eating!”

@aubreyhirsch 04:44 PM – 07 Jun 2022

11.

Parenting is a conspiracy to keep alcohol companies in business

@Chhapiness 02:02 PM – 03 Jun 2022

12.

Every year my daughter thought adults had summer break. She told me last “Well I don’t wanna be an adult then“ SAME SIS..Just call me Peter Pan 😭 https://t.co/iEV7debmwO

@LJones0702 04:35 AM – 07 Jun 2022

13.

I told my 6-year-old how happy I was to try out my new vacuum cleaner, and she looked visibly sad for me.

@lmegordon 05:54 PM – 15 Jun 2022

14.

Just when you think you have this parenting thing figured out, your kid picks up a Dorito chip off the floor with their toes and eats it.

@milifeasdad 02:05 PM – 15 Jun 2022

15.

Having been around babies and toddlers for many years now I can tell you what they really want, what makes their eyes sparkle and what they reach for more than anything. It’s knives. Follow me for more hot parenting tips

@beatonna 03:47 PM – 08 Jun 2022

16.

The final countdown, but it’s the amount of time between when your kid sneezes in your face and you get sick

@reallifemommy3 12:38 PM – 15 Jun 2022

17.

97% of parenting is just saying “oh wow” to your kid when they do something totally not wow.

@dadmann_walking 01:27 PM – 08 Jun 2022

18.

doing everything in my power to steer my 5yo away from buying “ball gag teddy bear” over here

@LizerReal 06:12 PM – 14 Jun 2022

19.

My rating system for kids birthday parties: Beer for parents: 5 starsNo beer for parents: 0 stars

@daddygofish 02:13 PM – 12 Jun 2022

20.

[looks out the window to see my 8y/o peeing on my tomato plants] Honey, your mom likes tomatoes, right?

@StruggleDisplay 07:12 PM – 14 Jun 2022

21.

Today my 7 year-old came into the room crying. I asked him what happened and he said that his 5 year-old brother put 80 cows in his house in Minecraft while he was offline and that it was “entirely too many cows” and honest to christ I have no idea how to parent any of this.

@GrahamKritzer 01:48 PM – 14 Jun 2022

22.

I’d like to think my children have so much more to learn from me but my son asked me how big the sun is and I replied with “big” so chances are I’ve already taught them everything I know.

@mommajessiec 07:04 PM – 09 Jun 2022

23.

95% of parenting is just listening to yourself talk because your kids sure as hell aren’t listening

@IDontSpeakWhine 12:07 PM – 08 Jun 2022

24.

Watching a movie with a kid is like watching with the director’s commentary on and it doesn’t turn off. Ever.

@MommyCocktail 04:09 PM – 14 Jun 2022

25.

Normalize having a bad day so you let your toddler watch TV all afternoon so you can go on your phone and eat the rest of his muffin.

@clhubes 06:41 PM – 15 Jun 2022

26.

10-year-old: *fights with her sister over what to watch*Me: Go watch the other TV.10: Someone’s watching it.Me: Then go watch the other other TV.10: I don’t want to walk that far.

@XplodingUnicorn 05:30 PM – 15 Jun 2022

27.

I just told my daughter that when I was a kid our tv only had 4 channels and she rolled her eyes and said, “oK, mOm. wHaTeVeR,” and now I’m starting to wonder if maybe my father DID walk to school uphill both ways.

@sarabellab123 02:14 AM – 13 Jun 2022

28.

I’m eating the potato off my 3yr old’s French Fries because he doesn’t like potato, in case you wondered if parenting was right for you

@notmythirdrodeo 12:54 PM – 14 Jun 2022

29.

6-year-old asked how many swear words there are. I asked how many he knows and he said “4” so I said “There are 5.” ?? I don’t know what I’m doing.

@missmulrooney 03:13 PM – 10 Jun 2022

30.

if you have a kid who showers on their own, you have to remind them to use soap and shampoo every so often otherwise they forget those products exist i learned this the hard way after my son asked me what the soap looked like

@mom_tho 12:48 AM – 14 Jun 2022

31.

Parenthood is seeing how many times you can say “let me think about it” with the hope that your kid forgets to ask again

@HomeWithPeanut 01:16 PM – 15 Jun 2022

32.

I wore red lipstick today and my 4 year old, while wearing his underpants inside out, boldly informed me that I look like the Joker

@oneawkwardmom 12:25 PM – 15 Jun 2022

33.

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